Not the mat leave announcement I dreamed of making...
First, let me start by sharing the most exciting personal update I've ever had: I'm a new mom to a beautiful little girl named Ruby! But as excited as I am to share the news, the circumstances leading up to this announcement have been far from ideal.
When is the “right” time to start a family? This is a question I struggled to answer for most of my career.
As someone fortunate enough to have had a consistently upward career trajectory, with each new role I found new reasons to turn “right” into “not right now.”
I am passionate about, proud of, and thankful for my work. But at the same time, I struggled—as I know many career women do—between wanting seats at two tables: the corporate table, and the one with a highchair and food flung on the floor.
Once I eventually realized that the “right” time didn’t and wouldn’t exist, my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby. We agreed we’d cross the bridge of how to balance both tables when we came to it.
What we didn’t expect was to hit a brick wall of infertility.
Over several years, we fought a battle unlike anything I’ve ever experienced—one I kept secret from my professional relationships. Through fear, stress, and repeated heartbreak, I pushed it all down, careful not to let these very real physical and emotional burdens be detected in my work performance in the slightest.
It wasn’t until our 2nd IVF transfer that drained our savings that we heard the words we’d both been dreaming of: I was pregnant!
Days later, I was laid off.
While there may not be a “right” time to start a family, there absolutely is a “worst” time, and I was living it.
Faced with a ticking clock, questions swirled around me. The biggest, of course, was, “Who in their right mind would want to hire me?”
If you’ve ever transitioned jobs while pregnant or actively trying to become pregnant, you’ll know well the all-consuming anxiety I attached to every email, every interview. Discrimination against pregnant people and parenthood still exists; it’s often subtle—subconscious, even—but it’s there.
As much as I hate to admit it, there’s a (very) small part of me that gets it. No matter the hire, but particularly for senior roles, a lot of time, money, and energy goes into finding the best person for the job. And whether you’re a small or a large company, at this level of hire, you have a real reason why this role is critical. The person you’re searching for has a significant job to do. To then discover that person will only be with you for a short time (albeit temporarily) is, at best, a logistical nightmare.
I carried this immense burden with me throughout my job search. No matter where I ended up, I knew I’d be starting a new relationship by delivering disappointing news. The fear of how that would be received added sleepless nights to the nausea and fatigue that already come with growing a human being.
There are probably companies I interviewed with reading this right now thinking they dodged a bullet.
Just when I thought the job search and the worst were behind me, I was blindsided a short time later. Five weeks before the birth of my daughter, I was terminated for the first time in my career. This news came days after I had learned that her arrival was to be scheduled earlier than anticipated due to a complication that threatened not only my life, but hers as well.
Was I shocked and terrified to be unemployed again and weeks away from my child being born? Absolutely. But I try my best to believe things happen for a reason.
I had been struggling with the decision of how long I should take for mat leave, especially with being in a new role. Being Canadian means I can legally take 12-18 months to be with my baby; this right protects my job, yes, but it certainly doesn’t protect my career.
I had wished, fought, and waited for so long to meet this little girl, and while I feel so supported by so many, the struggle was still there to figure out how to take time for her and not jeopardize my career. As the saying goes: you can have it all, just not all at the same time.
I’d chosen my career over my family time and time again. So perhaps the universe recognized this and made the decision for me. I'm now spending uninterrupted time with my daughter. Nothing will ever buy me that time again.
I never imagined the road to parenthood and balancing my professional ambitions would be filled with so many obstacles but these experiences have only further fueled my determination to show my daughter that careers can safely ebb and flow. When I’m ready to take back my seat at the corporate table, there’s a company out there that’s going to benefit from one hell of a resilient, hard-working mama. I will prove that hiring a pregnant person or a parent isn’t a risky move—it’s a smart one. It’s part of why culture will always trump strategy (yes, even in this market).
To my fellow career-driven mothers: I pledge to be a stronger advocate. Progress has been painfully slow, and I think we can all agree we still have a long way to go to fully eliminate the fear of stigma, discrimination, and career-limiting penalties women face when choosing to start their families. My eyes have been forever opened to the challenges countless women and families still face today at quite literally every turn, whether that's contemplating when or whether to start a family, navigating costly barriers and time away from work for treatments, making decisions about parental leave, or eventually transitioning back to work.
I want to open the door to conversation about navigating family and career as my experience is just one of thousands. Talking about our stories will further shed light on what hurdles still exist in 2023 and how we can do better for women and families. Whether you’re a new parent, an expectant parent, or someone whose dreams of parenthood feel beyond reach, I’d love to hear from you.
In the meantime, I have tiny onesies to fold and newborn cuddles to soak up. The rest I’ll figure out day by day.
Sincerely,
Beth Wanner
Former VP of Marketing (Finally on mat leave) e of itself. It always does.
